Most psychological traumas can be summarized by three confusions: confusing imagination with reality, confusing feelings with reality, and confusing others with oneself. What does this mean? Let's break it down one by one. Confusing imagination with reality refers to the inability to distinguish between exaggerated fantasies and objective facts. A typical example is catastrophic thinking, where any problem is imagined as a huge disaster. Another is the constant feeling that the whole world’s attention is on oneself, that everyone is watching every move, magnifying others’ opinions—these all stem from past experiences and also involve confusing imagination with reality. For instance, some parents, in their efforts to discipline their children, exaggerate problems, thinking teachers will always come after them, or relatives’ words make them feel they can’t go on living, which damages the family’s reputation. These create many catastrophic imaginations, making it hard for us to view things objectively.

So, what does confusing feelings with reality mean? It usually refers to overly intense emotional responses that drive us to impulsive actions beyond what the situation warrants, or feelings that are so terrifying that they prevent us from responding at all.

For example, some people get angry, throw things, or become furious at the slightest problem, unable to face issues calmly. In reality, it might just be that a child made a small mistake, like not placing a chair properly or not opening a bag, and they feel like they’re about to collapse. Because in that moment, they feel questioned, looked down upon, and suddenly useless.

Similarly, if someone just doesn’t reply to a message, we might feel abandoned, as if the relationship has already ended. This can lead to overreacting—quitting, breaking up, abusing, venting, and other extreme behaviors.

On the other hand, sometimes we are so afraid that our bodies freeze, making it impossible to respond. The causes are similar to the previous case, but usually accompanied by physical punishment or negative experiences. As a result, not only do we perceive the problem as huge, but our bodies also instinctively react with stress responses.

For example, children who grow up hearing constant parental arguments may become frightened and tremble when they hear sounds as adults. If they were repeatedly mocked about a certain issue in childhood, they might react strongly to related comments later in life. Often, feelings precede conscious awareness—they react before they even understand what the problem is. They freeze or become numb without fully realizing the issue.

The third confusion is confusing others with oneself. This usually involves two aspects: constantly worrying about what others think while neglecting oneself. That is, confusing one’s own needs with others’ needs, leading to excessive concession and people-pleasing in relationships, or projecting our traumas onto others, believing they are just as we perceive them. This often repeats past relationship patterns. For example, if your family has a low tolerance for mistakes, and they always deny or doubt you, you might have experienced rejection and lack of acceptance, which feels unfamiliar. You might doubt or distrust others, trying to verify that you are not good enough, mirroring past evaluations. For instance, as a child, you were expected to be a caring “little cotton-padded jacket,” and if you failed, you were told you were disobedient or immature. As a result, you might interpret others’ needs as your own. Just like your parents placed their responsibilities on you, they also couldn’t distinguish between their own responsibilities and yours.