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🚨 Never play with your phone when you're on the toilet. My cousin just experienced the most embarrassing second of her life.
She was squatting and scrolling through Xiaohongshu, and came across a mukbang video where the host was biting into a fried chicken drumstick, golden and crispy.
Then she wiped, folded the tissue neatly, and placed it beside her.
The next second, she reached out, picked up that tissue, and directly put it in her mouth.
The moment she bit down, she froze completely.
That texture... wasn't chicken. It was paper. The toilet paper she just used.
She froze for tw

🔥🔥🔥 My neighbor couple, I really respect them!
The man is 32, the woman is 29, neither of them have a serious job, they don’t open a store, don’t do micro-businesses, don’t do live streaming sales, and they’re even too lazy to post on Moments.
They sleep until they wake up naturally every day, cook lunch in the afternoon, play with cats and game in the evening, and either go out for a good meal or stay on the sofa watching dramas until dawn.
They go abroad three or four times a year, just finished a trip to Hokkaido, and next month they’re flying to Phuket again.
The man wears Supre

Do you believe it or not, but what the fortune-teller says, from a different perspective, is like an invitation from the King of Hell?
My buddy's second aunt, the year before last, took her son to town to find a blind fortune-teller.
The blind man touched the young man's hand, shook his head and said, "You have a good fate, you won't need to buy a house in the future, someone will naturally give you one to live in."
The second aunt was overjoyed on the spot, thinking her son was about to marry into a wealthy family, saving on a wedding house.
When paying, she was so excited she forgot

During the morning rush hour on the bus, a girl in a one-step skirt had a hard time getting on by lifting her leg.
She suddenly got an idea and reached back to undo the button at the back of her skirt. After undoing one, she still couldn’t get on. After undoing another, her leg still wouldn’t lift.
Right as she was about to undo the third one, the big brother queued behind her grabbed her hand with a sudden grip.
The girl exploded on the spot: “Pervert! Grab the pervert—he’s a pervert!”
The big brother’s face turned green, and his voice trembled: “Ma’am… between the two of us, who’s th

My roommate made a date with a girl last week, and he was as excited as if he’d won the lottery.
Three days in advance, he memorized the online “Seven Steps of Dating” — eating, watching movies, smelling hair, touching shoulders, holding hands, hugging, and kissing directly.
He said it’s a standardized process with a 90% success rate.
That day, I was just next door at the barbecue place, peeking through the glass and saw them entering.
Half an hour later, I sneaked in to take a look — damn, he was crouched down sniffing her hair, stiff as a police dog on a bomb search.
The girl shran

Last month, my older cousin who runs a factory was "cheated" out of 80 million by his ex-wife.
Here's what happened. He had a mistress outside, and when he went home, he pressured his wife to divorce.
The original wife didn't cry or make a fuss, she didn't want the two full-paid apartments in the city center, nor the company shares, she only took the rundown processing plant in the suburbs that had been losing money for years, plus 2 million yuan in cash.
My cousin signed on the spot, afraid she would change her mind. He even joked to friends that she was "completely legally illiterate."

Last night, I was drinking with a buddy who has been unemployed for half a year. He raised his glass and said, "It's okay, take it slow. Anyway, no one is fighting me to be poor."
I almost spat out my drink.
Since quitting his job, he's been lying flat; his family keeps urging him to find work, and he says, "Why rush? Good jobs take time."
After half a year, his savings shrank from fifty thousand to five thousand, and he also lost his girlfriend.
I asked him if he regrets it, and he smiled and said, "Regret what? The biggest skill I’ve developed in my life is turning 'take it slow' int

The old Wang at the car repair stall downstairs, over 50 years old, squats on the curb every day, hands covered in engine oil, wearing a pair of worn-out slippers.
I thought this was how he would spend his whole life.
Yesterday, I passed by and saw his son arrive in an Audi to pick him up.
Only then did I learn that his son had just returned from studying in the UK and works at an investment bank.
Old Wang has been repairing cars for 8 years, saving 4,000 yuan every month without fail.
His wife works as a cashier at a supermarket, and together they managed to pay for their son's four

Last night, my best friend called me, crying her eyes out. She said her husband has recently developed a strange obsession—he spends every day holding his phone and watching “excavators.”
I asked, what’s so good about watching excavators? An ad for Blue Sky?
She said he not only watches them, but also just stares at the screen and laughs like an idiot. And at night, while she’s asleep, he secretly watches. She suspects there’s someone else outside, but when she goes through his phone from top to bottom, it’s all videos of excavators.
I comforted her, telling her that men have a few odd t

Brothers, last night my buddy Lao Li told me about his bizarre experience of falling in love, and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud after hearing it.
He was on a dinner date with a female netizen, who initiated the plan, and she ordered a dozen oysters right away. Lao Li thought there was a chance tonight, so he went all out and drank quite a bit with her.
But the trouble started with—those fatty intestines in the spicy hotpot weren’t clean.
They took a walk to the riverbank, the atmosphere was just right, and the girl leaned over, resting her hand on his shoulder. Lao Li was about to p

Yesterday at the barbecue stall, a post-00s intern was bragging to me, saying his ultimate dream was “ordinary.”
I asked him to be specific.
He said: pay off his mortgage before 30, drive a Tesla to camp in the suburbs on weekends, take a trip abroad once a year, and even if his wife doesn’t work, she can still support the whole family—kids go to public school, but they can sign up for any extracurricular classes they want.
After he downed a mouthful of beer, he said, “Just muddle through an ordinary life—nothing too much, right?”
I almost couldn’t hold the skewer in my hand.
Bro, do you know

At 3 p.m., at the neighborhood courier station, a girl in pajamas took a small cardboard box, opened it on the spot, and inside was a pink silicone object.
Her face instantly turned red, and she quickly shoved it back into the box, then looked up and glared at me fiercely.
I hurriedly lowered my head, pretending to look for my own package.
Five minutes later, I ran into her again in the elevator.
The cardboard box in her hand was already wrapped in three layers of black trash bags, like wrapping a corpse.
As the elevator doors were about to close, a man rushed in, stepping on the tra

My older cousin hired a "Top Exam Prediction Teacher" for her son, paying three thousand per class, for two years.
Her son still ranked at the bottom of the class in practice exams, and relatives all mocked her for paying a "stupid tax."
Not only did she not change teachers, but she secretly poured all her retirement savings into it.
This year, her son didn't even pass the second-tier college cutoff line.
Relatives were ready to laugh at her, but then—he was "exceptionally admitted" to a key university in the province.
Everyone checked the teacher's background: his older brother is t

My sister hired a "Top College Entrance Exam Prediction Teacher" for her son, costing three thousand per class, for two years.
Her son still ranked at the bottom of the class in practice exams, and relatives all mocked her for paying the IQ tax.
Not only did she not change teachers, but she secretly poured all her retirement savings into it.
This year, her son didn't even pass the second-tier college cutoff line.
Relatives were about to laugh at her, but then—he was "exceptionally admitted" to a key university in the province.
Everyone checked the teacher's background: his older brot

"This house requires a down payment of 2 million yuan."
"It's too expensive, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, the developer is offering a 1 million yuan subsidy."
"Then there's still 1 million, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, the government is offering an 800k yuan talent subsidy, you only need 200k yuan."
"I don't even have 200k, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, I’ll cover 199,900 yuan of my own private savings, you only need to pay 1,000 yuan."
"1,000? I'll transfer it to you right now!"
After paying, signing the papers, I just realized—
This house is in her name, the loan is in my name.
Officer, I really am not i

"This house requires a down payment of 2 million yuan."
"Too expensive, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, the developer is offering a 1 million yuan subsidy."
"Then I only have 1 million left, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, the government is providing a talent subsidy of 800k yuan, you only need 200k yuan."
"I don't even have 200k, I'm leaving."
"Don't go, I’ll use my personal savings to give you 199,000 yuan, just need you to pay 1,000 yuan."
"1,000? I'll transfer it to you right now!"
After paying and signing, I just realized—
This house is in her name, but the loan is in my name.
Officer, I really am not

“This house requires a down payment of 2 million yuan.”
“Too expensive—I’m leaving.”
“Don’t go. The developer will subsidize 1 million yuan.”
“Then we still have 1 million yuan—I'm leaving.”
“Don’t go. The government has a talent subsidy of 800,000 yuan—you only need to pay 200,000 yuan.”
“Even 200,000 yuan isn’t available—I’m leaving.”
“Don’t go. I’ll top you up with my own savings—199,900 yuan. You just pay 1,000 yuan.”
“1,000? I’ll transfer it to you right now!”
After paying the money and signing the papers, I only then realized—
This house is under her name, and the loan is under my name.

Hotel caught in an affair, wife naked and saying: "He's giving me acupuncture."
My former boss took us to catch someone. Kicked open the door, wife and a man on the bed, the quilt not even covering up.
The boss's face turned bright red: "What the hell are you doing?"
Wife was very calm: "He's a traditional Chinese doctor, giving me acupuncture to unblock my meridians."
The boss was stunned for three seconds, then turned to the man and said: "Finished with the acupuncture? Hurry up and leave after you're done."
That man ran off before even fixing his pants.
The boss closed the door